idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
