I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
