i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
