there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
