Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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