I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
