last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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