then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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