y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
