i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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