are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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