He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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