hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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