you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
