is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
