good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Randomize
