My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
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