she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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