when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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