Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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