the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you traded sex for a burrito?
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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