so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
