I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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