i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
