Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
