i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
