I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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