so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
