Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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