Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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