3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
