You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
