I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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