sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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