Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
