she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
