Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
