I hate your face
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My ass is underappreciated
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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