I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
