I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
