You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
