dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
