I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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