Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
