oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
