if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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