Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
