I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
