When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
