oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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