Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
