guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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