You're my little dorito
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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