it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
