I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i think my tv is drunk
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My vagina is officially offended.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
